Hey, Look — My Crazy Friend John Hagee’s In The News! Oh No — He Has Coronavirus!

What would Jesus do (about coronavirus)? One thing’s for damned sure — Real Jesus wouldn’t wear any damned mask. He didn’t even own one. But then he didn’t own a TV or a smartphone either and if something like coronavirus had rolled through Judea when he was alive it probably would have taken out Jesus and everyone he knew. Cos that’s just how pathogens are. Do U

Jesus wouldn’t wear a mask and neither is Pastor John — can I get an Amen?

Look — some people (like my pal Pastor John Hagee — of San Antonio’s Cornerstone) simply don’t look good in a mask. Or clothes. Or flesh.

I’m not saying Pastor Maskless got the whole coronavirus thing completely wrong, but — that nitwit got the whole coronavirus thing completely wrong — and now — the nitwit — he just tested positive for coronavirus! Or, as coronavirus puts it, IT just tested positive for HIM.

What I love about John is that he never even pretended to buy into the whole “Do Unto Others” thing. On Pastor John’s website, he proudly proclaims his mission to “make disciples of all people”. Nothing “Do Unto Others” about it. It’s pure “Do As We Say — Or Else”.

The more I think of it, the more I want to take back that headline. I don’t feel for Pastor Hagee, I feel for the coronavirus. Even strands of RNA that aren’t even actually alive deserve a better fate than to land inside that gassy, run-down old roach motel of a human.

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