I Only Read The Prosperity Gospel For “The Good Parts” — And They’re All “Good Parts”

Word of warning, Pilgrim: If you tell this Jesus to “take the wheel”, that wheel better be connected to a Maserati. Otherwise, forget it.

My buddy Joel Osteen is worth somewhere between $40 million to $60 million. That’s probably why he’s so pretty. He can afford to make himself as pretty as he likes.

Now, the reason I loves me some Joel Osteen is because Joel couldn’t care less if Jesus would have called him “a money changer”.

Sure, sure, Joel would have protested (too much, of course). Anyway, Joel would have been too smart to get taken in by a socialist like Jesus calling him names — even if they’re true. After all, the only reason one should do unto others is if there’s a payday — or a happy ending.

In the beginning, the world was formless — except for my bank account. And the Lord said — let there be cash — and plenty of it! And there was cash.

Ka-Ching!

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