Why Evangelicals Are MY Kinda ‘Christians’


Believe it or not, we Deities are incredibly competitive with one another when it comes to ‘recruiting’.  The bottomest bottom line there is about existence itself isn’t theology or philosophy or any of that nose paste — it’s numbers.  Who’s got more followers — that’s who rules the Deity Locker Room.

Yup — it’s all a big, cosmic dick-measuring contest.  Please don’t say you’re surprised, Pilgrim…

If you’re an Evangelical, you’re NOT surprised.  You get it.  Hell, you’ve gotten it all along.  Even though Evangelicals don’t have a ‘big’ dick (there aren’t that many of them), they sure know how to ‘wave it around’ in everyone else’s face.  Glory Hallelujah and pass the lube, amiright, Evangelicals?  As important as waving their equipment around is to Evangelicals, it’s even more important to them that they ‘stick’ their equipment somewhere — even if they have to, um, ‘force’ it there.

Evangelicals don’t so much ‘love’ their fellow man as ‘force their love’ upon him.  Or her.  And if they can force what they love down an unbeliever’s unwilling throat — that’s another gallon of tar on their road to Glory.  Evangelicals are clever, clever people.  They may not be intelligent in a bookish way, but they’ve learned how to guard their ignorance brilliantly.  Information and (especially) science will not and cannot penetrate the defenses they’ve built.

How can a Deity not love THAT?  It’s genius, really.  They’ve taken ‘Do Unto Others’ and turned it into “Get Outta My Yard”.

Actual Jesus-Pretend Jesus-Republican Jesus

Talk about ‘transubstantiation’…




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