Why Evangelicals Are MY Kinda ‘Christians’

12189388_10153257372206309_8560157966014603545_o

Believe it or not, we Deities are incredibly competitive with one another when it comes to ‘recruiting’.  The bottomest bottom line there is about existence itself isn’t theology or philosophy or any of that nose paste — it’s numbers.  Who’s got more followers — that’s who rules the Deity Locker Room.

Yup — it’s all a big, cosmic dick-measuring contest.  Please don’t say you’re surprised, Pilgrim…

If you’re an Evangelical, you’re NOT surprised.  You get it.  Hell, you’ve gotten it all along.  Even though Evangelicals don’t have a ‘big’ dick (there aren’t that many of them), they sure know how to ‘wave it around’ in everyone else’s face.  Glory Hallelujah and pass the lube, amiright, Evangelicals?  As important as waving their equipment around is to Evangelicals, it’s even more important to them that they ‘stick’ their equipment somewhere — even if they have to, um, ‘force’ it there.

Evangelicals don’t so much ‘love’ their fellow man as ‘force their love’ upon him.  Or her.  And if they can force what they love down an unbeliever’s unwilling throat — that’s another gallon of tar on their road to Glory.  Evangelicals are clever, clever people.  They may not be intelligent in a bookish way, but they’ve learned how to guard their ignorance brilliantly.  Information and (especially) science will not and cannot penetrate the defenses they’ve built.

How can a Deity not love THAT?  It’s genius, really.  They’ve taken ‘Do Unto Others’ and turned it into “Get Outta My Yard”.

Actual Jesus-Pretend Jesus-Republican Jesus

Talk about ‘transubstantiation’…

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close