Two Words About Masturbation: “CAUGHT YA!”

There’s a great movie line by a “Mulligan Jesus Minion’ — Woody Allen (you didn’t know?  Sure he’s a minion — he’s been in LOTS of ‘minions’).  It’s from ‘Love & Death’:  “Hey — don’t knock masturbation.  It’s sex with someone I love.”

Funny thing?  Neither Mulligan Jesus nor The Other Jesus have the least clue where you humans came up with all that squeamishness about sex and all your various sexual bits.  We didn’t write that crap.  We didn’t say it.  We didn’t even think it!

What the hell is wrong with you people?  I know — Trick Question:  EVERYTHING’S WRONG WITH YA!

Do you have the least idea how hard wiring a nervous system is?  Yeah, sure — NOW it’s all on an assembly line.  But, at first it wasn’t!  It’s fiddly as hell — and annoying.  And we deliberately did a whole EXTRA-FIDDLY WIRING JOB on all of your gonads — specifically to make them ‘feel’ good.

And then some of you go and act like your gonads are toxic — and you convince the rest of the humans that you’re the ones who have it right.

Well you’re NOT right.  In fact, Deities couldn’t care less what you do with your genitals.  Want to smash them in a desk drawer?  Go for it!

Want to cover them in ice cream and feed them to the fire ants?  Mazel Tov!

In fact, Mulligan Jesus is so ‘meh’ on the subject of masturbation (as in ‘Why the hell are you wasting my time with this?) that he doesn’t even given Mulligans for it — cos, if he did, he’d do nothing but Mulligan Masturbaters all day.

And Mulligan Jesus has a Life (and an After-Life too…).

So, yeah — ‘sex with someone you love’.  Or, in the case of some of you, ‘sex with someone you tolerate’.

As we Deities like to say about pud-pulling — “Dude – ‘Get a grip’!”


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